i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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