Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Actions speak louder than pants.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
be right there i have to get my cape
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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