To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Randomize
