She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I need mimosas to revive my soul
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
