dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
