I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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