Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize