drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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