I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
