I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Randomize
