would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
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