Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
And then my night got REAL pukey
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
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