She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
We don't watch enough power rangers
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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