Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
