Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
