so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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