Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
