he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Randomize
