Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
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