Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
