it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
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