I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
