Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
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