She's JV to your varsity
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
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