It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Randomize
