I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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