Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
