Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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