her vagine was all disorganized.
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
