ya dads aren't the best wingmen
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
