there's paper in my vomit.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
smell my finger.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
