just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
