In the future we'll all be gay
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
