As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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