Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
