you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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