she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
