Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
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