i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
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