that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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