miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
So much rum. So many feels.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
