Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Betty ford says i'm here all night
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Randomize
