There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
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