did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
