I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
