singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
i need some magic done to my vagina
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
