you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
