I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
