'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
