I wish I could punch you in the face.
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
