I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
Randomize
