The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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